I'M SO OBSESSED ABOUT BEING OBSESSED THAT EVEN MY OBSESSION IS AN OBSESSION OR "OH NO. WHAT NOW?"

I am a person who is familiar with obsessions. I am not some one with obsessive compulsive disorder. I just have some of the traits that one might find with one who can go overboard on a particular activity, interest or something new.

Like the last post, this is really about personality, behaviors and the variability from person to person.

I remember not that long ago, which for someone my age could be five months or fifteen years, having a discussion about being stalked. I was disappointed that I had never been that cared for. Which of course is nuts because being stalked is dangerous.  I started to think about it, and realized that there had been a brief time in my mid thirties when I was the stalker. Let's not forget about the degrees. I never went to the person's house or followed him outside of work, but none the less, I was obsessed.



It was not long after my divorce and a new male teacher came to our school. Shelley, I'm guessing this is the "poor judgement" you were recently referring to in my youth.

Anyway, I was bitten, smitten and totally gone.  Looking back I cringe at my behavior, but felt powerless at the time. I was unfortunately not very subtle and it was no doubt a juicy topic for gossip. "the psychologist has lost her mind. She follows him around like a puppy". Or something to that effect.

He was 11 years younger and, to my mind quite a hunk. Not too bright, but I do believe he was learning disabled. That in itself is a statement about who is teaching our children, but again, another tale.

My ex had moved on and I was not in a good place. What this teacher represented was the captain of the football team. The guy was out of my league. (at least in my mind, so I never tried). Now, I was feeling more secure. Huh? More experienced?  That is more possibly more accurate. Out of my mind?  The point is that nothing I did was logical or rational.  Or in secret.  Isn't that part of an obsession though?

DEFINITION OF OBSESSION:

According to Webster, an obsession is a noun.

 1. the fact, or state of being obsessed with an idea, desire, emotion, etc.
     OBSSESS
1. To haunt or trouble; besiege the mind. 2. especially to an abnormal degree ;
2. Preoccupy greatly.

That's good. It doesn't sound quite so nuts. But, being a thorough researcher, I have to use another source.

The  psychology text that I have closest at hand, is called Psychology, Making Connections, by Feist and Rosenberg.  Let's see that their clinical two cents adds.

[No surprise. We're back in the disorders chapter.]

"An obsession is an unwanted, thought, word, phrase, or image that persistently and repeatedly come into a person's mind and causes distress.

this is from an old movie. worth watching.

One has to add obsessions twin if we are doing the right thing.

COMPULSION: A repetitive behavior performed in response to uncontrollable urges or according to a ritualistic set of rules.



Okay. For a minute there, I thought I might have had a real problem.

The good news, I think, was that I do not have, nor did I then, OCD. You know the term. Everyone uses it about everyone all the time.

Mostly, they're not right. Gee, I like saying that. That's not to say that I'm right. I'd like to, but that is also not true most of the time. Or at least that's what my husband says.

Off track. Another digression. Personally, I like the scenery off the beaten path. I have to hope you all do too.

So, although I can get "obsessed", I don't have words phrase etc. that persistently come into my mind unbidden. They usually don't cause me distress and I surely do not have rituals or uncontrollable urges. Except when it comes to chocolate.

ARE YOU OBSESSED?
I think most of us have some obsessions. Generally they are harmless. Like collecting Angel Babies, or Lady figurines.  As the Delphic Oracle said, "everything in moderation". In this case it means that your house still has room for you and other things and that you are not in debt or spend every waking hour looking for "the one" that will complete your collection.

Many people have hobbies. It's easy to be obsessed with your hobby. According to Webster's idea.  Although, I'm hoping that you are not haunted by your desire so that it interferes with your functioning.

WHEN HAS YOUR HOBBY CROSSED THE LINE?
Good question, even if I say so myself. Of course this is my opinion, and not psychological gospel. For me, it's when it becomes the ONLY think you think about. And, it begins to interfere with your functioning.

Functioning is a really important aspect of being a person. Trouble with functioning is well, Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with Oh no, my life is falling apart.

It's a hallmark of mental illness when you stop functioning.  Those clever folks even have a scale in their secret handbook called Global Assessment of Functioning. The scoring is similar to most tests. Almost no one gets one hundred and too many people fall below 70. I almost went off on a tangent.


Crossing the line means that you are thinking and probably engaging in behavior that is limiting the time you should be spending on things, like, oh, your making a living. Interacting with family and friends, cleaning your house, your clothes,  showering, shaving and taking care of yourself.



Most people don't get that over the line. They get close. They manage to do what they absolutely must, but every other waking moment is related to the obsession.

For example, they don't call women baseball or football widows for nothing. If you are married to someone with an obsession, you may feel like a piece of the furniture.

Screaming, threatening and filing for divorce do not change the situation. That's when you know it's too late.

ARE ADDICTIONS OBSESSIONS?
Yes.

Surprised you there. That's all I'll say about that.


what do you do if you are obsessed or related to someone who is obsessed?

One thing I've learned is that you can't change anyone else. I mean, I've been trying to change me for half my life and I've only gotten just so far. Changing someone else?  Ain't gonna happen.

The solution is not easy, but in theory, it's simple. Get your own life. I wouldn't suggest getting your own obsession, but finding your own passion, well that works. Leave the poor obsessed person alone. You don't have to leave, you have to adjust your expectations. Don't expect that person to be there for you. Don't expect to head the list of what's important. Joining the obsession is not something I would suggest. If you too have an "addictive" personality, you may find yourself up the same creek, and you will still not be number one.

Expect, that it's your life and you may have to live it like a three year old who sits next to his friend and does parallel play. You can be together. You can be in love. You can do things together, but you will never be as important as the obsession. Unless of course, you ARE the obsession. That may feel wonderful at first, but it gets old quickly. I'd tell you to ask some of the people who were the object of someone's eye, but most likely they are dead.

Wow. I've gone fun circle. Yesterday, my advice was to run. This time, you should run only if you are the obsession. If not, you can stay. or not. The other person may or may not notice.

One last thing. If you've become obsessed about the other person's being obsessed, GET YOUR OWN LIFE!  It's likely you are avoiding your own issues, so get some help, figure out why you'd settle for something like this and Live.

YOU HAVE THIS ONE CHANCE AT LIVING THIS LIFE. WHY WASTE IT OBSESSING ABOUT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT?  FIND YOUR BLISS. FIND YOUR JOY. IT IS WITHIN YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.