I've been missing my New York friends. It's been 12 years since I moved to Florida and although I love my life here, I miss what I had to leave behind.
My family of origin was small to begin with and not too functional. As I grew up and went into the world of school and work I made some really wonderful friends. They were the heartbeat of my life.
There were of course some changes in those friends in the course of 30 or 40 years, but some of the people were constant. And still are.
I felt like I had family. I'm not sure if you can be truly part of a family that you aren't related to, but that is open for question. I see now, that I "almost" had family. It really can't be the same, no matter how much you want it to be.
In any case, I was there for every event. Births, deaths, marriages, coming of age celebrations. Holidays and hanging out. These wonderful people were my lifeline to belonging.
Seventeen years ago I remarried and things changed, as of course you would expect. My husband had family, although it too, was, small. Two young adult kids, a mom and step-dad and a brother and sister-in-law. (There were nieces and nephews and cousins too, but not in the daily mix).
And so, we began spending more time with his family, (mostly with Mom) and less with my friends. Except for the wonderful period of time that my God daughter and her husband moved practically around the corner from us. That was heaven. She had her first child while we lived there and I would walk over to their apt. and we would stroll into town and go to the yogurt restaurant and it was wonderful. I cherish those times and always will.
At this juncture, I retired. I knew I had to make a choice. It wasn't an easy decision. I knew that my "kids around the corner" would move to a house and not be there forever. Still, I wanted that time to last. [BTW, they did move twice, further out on the island and I'm so happy for them.] So, they wouldn't have been around the corner, but it wouldn't have been a plane ride either.
Wanting to stay, we looked at some houses on Long Island and I came home crying in the car. The houses that the banks were willing to give us money for, were, well, not places I could have lived. And, it was that period of time that the banks would have given us money that we couldn't have afforded to spend. We also didn't have a sufficient down payment because we had no house to sell and it was exactly when the real estate market was bubbling.
You know. The time the Brokerage Houses and Banks nearly ruined our economy? yeah. My timing has always sucked.
Originally I believed I'd be able to live in the southern part of FL, on the east coast where I already had friends and my New York friends had parents or grandparents living down there, so I knew I'd see them. Only that's not what happened.
I flew down to Florida to and spent a week with my friends (shout out to Gloria) while her husband took me to see houses. [He and his son were doing real estate at the time] It was sickening. Places that had been affordable weren't any longer. The houses I looked at that were almost in our price range, well, there was one that looked like it belonged in bombed out Beirut. The rest were out of our range, like $200,000 or more and looked like fancy railroad cars or fixer-uppers that were all still too small.
That's how we ended up on the Treasure Coast. We still paid way, way over budget, but at least we got a nice sized house with a pool in a beautiful community. I had to work another six years to have enough money to pay for it, but in the end, it was worth it. [I have to thank the Universe for that job. I taught psychology at Keiser University and without that job I don't know how we would have paid the mortgage.]
We were happy here except when the market crashed and we were totally under water. Since we weren't going anywhere, it was only depressing on paper. Yeah right.
But that's all just *Another Digression. My rationalization for why I'm here and you're all still up there.
I've come up when I could, and had wonderful times. Best vacations ever! But, as we all know, life goes on and when you're not involved in the day to day parts of it, you drift.
When my friends come down, they all stay with their families who are over two hours south of us. And so, we don't have the opportunity to get together.
So, I'm going to say it. I love my friends, and always will. I'm sorry that I don't know what's going on in your lives and can't be part of it. It is breaking my heart. But it is, what it is.
Thankfully my stepdaughter and her husband and the two littler boys (our grandsons) are only a bit over three hours away. (LOL if you've ever been in a car with me after an hour).
Her mother-in-law and her mom and her husband all live within twenty minutes of the kids. Her husbands sister is also there with her husband and little daughter. We all get along and love the time we spend there.
So, what's my point? I don't want to admit it, but I feel a disconnect. I was never good with phone calls or texts. I was good with emails, although the friends my age were not. At first I communicated with the kids with emails, but everyone has moved on the Facebook (me too), texting and other social media. I'm sorry to say, that it's just not the same. It's great to see all the photos and all, but I'm out of the loop. It isn't a "blame thing". It's one of those things that happens in our lives.
CONCLUSION:
In this day and age of mobility and technology one would hope that keeping relationships alive would be easier than ever, no matter where you were on the planet. And, in some ways that's true. But what you have are virtual relationships, and it's not the same. They aren't real.
I will always love my friends. No matter where they are. That doesn't matter. My heart is theirs. I don't know if they will feel the same. I believe they do. Only it's different and it hurts.
