SHOPPING AS A HOBBY NO I AM NOT KIDDING. And a possible reason we have hobbies

this was our dining room. we never used it, so we made it a sitting area.
I donated the table and chairs to hospice.

Good morning. I hope your week end has been enjoyable. For me at least, I know today will be better.

Yesterday, after Yoga, I had my hair straightened. 4.5 hours of torture. Not relevant to this post, but that's part of its charm. LOL ?

According to my dear friend Daniel, (God I hope I'm remember the right Webster), a hobby is something that a person like to work at, collect, etc. in his spare time.  For diversity, and to see if it's changed over the millennia, I checked in with my 1927 Pocket edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Current English.

In this ancient book,  it's described as a noun  that is "Favorite occupation not one's main business." It also lists an early type of velocipede. Now I have to look that up. Holy crap. I'm thinking pterodactyl and it's a bicycle or tricycle.  

What's interesting, I think, was that in 1927, people probably did not have spare time. Not that everyone does now, but it's an interesting foot note in history at the very least.

So, this means that shopping is something, a person works at in their spare time. I can live with that.

I have quite a few other hobbies. I can loosely call myself an artist. I don't like to say I paint because there are many other media that I use.   I also do a lot of photography. Thank God one doesn't have to develop their own photos any more. I remember my mother having a dark room and doing her own black and white work. Of course, in my mind, I believe that was really the creative part. ho hum.

Also, I love to read. It sounds silly to say it's a hobby since it's such a huge part of my life, but it is something I have always done in my spare time. I like to sunbathe, decorate my house and collect things. I also love to garden and do flower arrangements.  I am soooo well rounded.

some of the things people do as hobbies.

        

See how organized I am in my painting?

This is in my Woman Cave where I do all my work.
It's not really cluttered. Just full.

 
BACK TO THE TITLE FROM WHICH I ALWAYS WANDER:

As far back as I can recall, I loved to go shopping. My mother hated it, so she would take me along. And later in time, I used to take the train to downtown Brooklyn and window shop in my favorite department store. One might have called it my spare time, after school. I'd now call it my escape from the emptiness in my house when I got home.[Both parent working and Grandma and Janis had died.] I had no money and, at that time was somehow content to just look at all the beautiful things I saw. I wish I could get that back.

As my allowance increased, I began to buy little things. The same applied for my first job. This was fortunately located two blocks up from the huge Macy's in Manhattan.  Eight floors, a basement and it took up the entire city block from sixth to seventh avenue. I'd go to the store at lunch time and wander about. Sometimes I'd buy little nick knacks for my studio apartment. I am one of those fortunate people who doesn't spend more than they earn. Yet, there were always things I would have liked to buy that were out of my salary range.


ah, Louis.

As I earned more and could afford better things, I bought them. But there were still always things out of my reach. Years later, a therapist pointed out that as you got what you'd wanted, and earned more money, your taste would change and you'd always want the next more costly thing. Well, it was true for me. I don't know about you.

When I couldn't afford a Coach bag I wanted one. When I had more than one,  I wanted a Fendi. (which by the way I got at an amazing sale at Macy's years ago. I had it until quite recently and still have the wallet I got on sale at Lord & Taylor).  And then it was a Louis Vuitton. I'm not sure if these things are related to self esteem issue rather than a hobby thing, but it was/is still part of the shopping challenge.

SALE SHOPPING AS A SUB-TOPIC:

I was a slow learner. I didn't discover coupons, and sales or clearance until my early thirties. When I did, it changed my hobby for good. I should have a tattoo that says "never pay full price". Or as it states in one of the songs in Wicked "I don't know if I've been changed for good or for better". That's probably not accurate, but it's close.

It was no longer shopping. I was  hunting. Now there was a challenge involved. What was the lowest price I could get what I wanted for? [never end a sentence with a preposition] sorry, I couldn't rephrase it.

where are the sale signs?

For so many years, in my "spare" time, I shopped.  And since I worked, and lived in a four season climate, and my weight fluctuated, I needed to buy clothes. Lots of clothes. And shoes. Any woman will tell you that your shoes have to be right or the outfit [and you] look bad.





THE DOWNSIDE TO THIS HOBBY  AND OTHERS:

This is our living room. You can't see the TV but we sit on that very comfortable lounge.  See, there are lots of things, but it's not cluttered.
Shakespeare would say the lady doth protest too much. I think I may have to rethink this.

 

Space. Space and more space. Or, really the lack of space.  One has several choices in this matter. One can become a slob, a hoarder or a generous person who donates things to charity or if they have them, poorer relations. In this case, I was the poor relation. Now after rethinking this, since I  put up these pictures, maybe another option is to have a little clutter.



I was re-organizing and this is some of the collectibles we own. Roseville, Royal Doulton, head vases, Stangl birds and assorted items.

I don't like clutter which is funny because if you saw how much "stuff" I have, you'd be shocked. It usually doesn't seem cluttered because I keep things neat, orderly and use my decorating skills to make it appear as if there were fewer things. Maybe I'm delusional, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Or not since I put up the pictures. What do you think?

My closets are tidy. But they do get filled with things I don't wear. Now that I'm retired and living in a place where if a man gets dressed, it means he puts on long pants, I haven't quite adjusted and don't know what kind of clothes I need. 



SHOPPING FOR YOUR OTHER HOBBIES:

Whew. At least I don't feel so bad when I buy art supplies. I use them and have them on hand should I need something in particular. Oh yeah, I also do flower arrangements. They too are all over the house. The shopping again, is not the problem. It's what do I do with the finished products?




One of my arrangements. I bought the vase at a yard sale for three dollars.
 

This is the entrance into the bedroom.

working on a painting from one of my photographs.

 

I have nearly no wall space in my home. My husband would tease me and say that there is not one horizontal space that doesn't have something on it. That sometimes temporarily includes chairs or the washer and drier.  That's when he gets annoyed. 


BUT WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO?

I will surmise that those of you reading this, could, and hopefully? will give me a list of other activities. I honestly do not get the buzz I used to get when I shopped. I don't go anywhere shopping as often because, let's face it, I've run out of room and really don't want to spend money on things I don't really need. But of course, in America, overspending and shopping is actually ones duty as a citizen, but you all know how I feel about that.

I used to kid around and say I was saving the economy, one store at a time. I still am. Think of all the jobs I've saved over the course of my lifetime.  Still.
I do give my barely used things to local charities. I like Safe Space which is for women who have fled domestic violence. I give money to charities for animals and veterans and Native Americans mostly.  Please don't suggest that I volunteer for anything. I just don't have it in me.

I just took this pic. I didn't straighten up before.

 

 

So. There it is. All laid out neatly. Like my closet.

THEORY:
The more time one has to spend on survival, the less time one has for hobbies. If getting drunk is your hobby, and you don't only do it in your spare time, you may have a problem. 

Hobbies are things that are truly enjoyed, unless they are time fillers you use to try to give your life meaning when you've lost it. 

Only you can know which is which.

Thanks for reading. And, if you have some suggestions, well you can reach me.

I'M SO OBSESSED ABOUT BEING OBSESSED THAT EVEN MY OBSESSION IS AN OBSESSION OR "OH NO. WHAT NOW?"

I am a person who is familiar with obsessions. I am not some one with obsessive compulsive disorder. I just have some of the traits that one might find with one who can go overboard on a particular activity, interest or something new.

Like the last post, this is really about personality, behaviors and the variability from person to person.

I remember not that long ago, which for someone my age could be five months or fifteen years, having a discussion about being stalked. I was disappointed that I had never been that cared for. Which of course is nuts because being stalked is dangerous.  I started to think about it, and realized that there had been a brief time in my mid thirties when I was the stalker. Let's not forget about the degrees. I never went to the person's house or followed him outside of work, but none the less, I was obsessed.



It was not long after my divorce and a new male teacher came to our school. Shelley, I'm guessing this is the "poor judgement" you were recently referring to in my youth.

Anyway, I was bitten, smitten and totally gone.  Looking back I cringe at my behavior, but felt powerless at the time. I was unfortunately not very subtle and it was no doubt a juicy topic for gossip. "the psychologist has lost her mind. She follows him around like a puppy". Or something to that effect.

He was 11 years younger and, to my mind quite a hunk. Not too bright, but I do believe he was learning disabled. That in itself is a statement about who is teaching our children, but again, another tale.

My ex had moved on and I was not in a good place. What this teacher represented was the captain of the football team. The guy was out of my league. (at least in my mind, so I never tried). Now, I was feeling more secure. Huh? More experienced?  That is more possibly more accurate. Out of my mind?  The point is that nothing I did was logical or rational.  Or in secret.  Isn't that part of an obsession though?

DEFINITION OF OBSESSION:

According to Webster, an obsession is a noun.

 1. the fact, or state of being obsessed with an idea, desire, emotion, etc.
     OBSSESS
1. To haunt or trouble; besiege the mind. 2. especially to an abnormal degree ;
2. Preoccupy greatly.

That's good. It doesn't sound quite so nuts. But, being a thorough researcher, I have to use another source.

The  psychology text that I have closest at hand, is called Psychology, Making Connections, by Feist and Rosenberg.  Let's see that their clinical two cents adds.

[No surprise. We're back in the disorders chapter.]

"An obsession is an unwanted, thought, word, phrase, or image that persistently and repeatedly come into a person's mind and causes distress.

this is from an old movie. worth watching.

One has to add obsessions twin if we are doing the right thing.

COMPULSION: A repetitive behavior performed in response to uncontrollable urges or according to a ritualistic set of rules.



Okay. For a minute there, I thought I might have had a real problem.

The good news, I think, was that I do not have, nor did I then, OCD. You know the term. Everyone uses it about everyone all the time.

Mostly, they're not right. Gee, I like saying that. That's not to say that I'm right. I'd like to, but that is also not true most of the time. Or at least that's what my husband says.

Off track. Another digression. Personally, I like the scenery off the beaten path. I have to hope you all do too.

So, although I can get "obsessed", I don't have words phrase etc. that persistently come into my mind unbidden. They usually don't cause me distress and I surely do not have rituals or uncontrollable urges. Except when it comes to chocolate.

ARE YOU OBSESSED?
I think most of us have some obsessions. Generally they are harmless. Like collecting Angel Babies, or Lady figurines.  As the Delphic Oracle said, "everything in moderation". In this case it means that your house still has room for you and other things and that you are not in debt or spend every waking hour looking for "the one" that will complete your collection.

Many people have hobbies. It's easy to be obsessed with your hobby. According to Webster's idea.  Although, I'm hoping that you are not haunted by your desire so that it interferes with your functioning.

WHEN HAS YOUR HOBBY CROSSED THE LINE?
Good question, even if I say so myself. Of course this is my opinion, and not psychological gospel. For me, it's when it becomes the ONLY think you think about. And, it begins to interfere with your functioning.

Functioning is a really important aspect of being a person. Trouble with functioning is well, Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with Oh no, my life is falling apart.

It's a hallmark of mental illness when you stop functioning.  Those clever folks even have a scale in their secret handbook called Global Assessment of Functioning. The scoring is similar to most tests. Almost no one gets one hundred and too many people fall below 70. I almost went off on a tangent.


Crossing the line means that you are thinking and probably engaging in behavior that is limiting the time you should be spending on things, like, oh, your making a living. Interacting with family and friends, cleaning your house, your clothes,  showering, shaving and taking care of yourself.



Most people don't get that over the line. They get close. They manage to do what they absolutely must, but every other waking moment is related to the obsession.

For example, they don't call women baseball or football widows for nothing. If you are married to someone with an obsession, you may feel like a piece of the furniture.

Screaming, threatening and filing for divorce do not change the situation. That's when you know it's too late.

ARE ADDICTIONS OBSESSIONS?
Yes.

Surprised you there. That's all I'll say about that.


what do you do if you are obsessed or related to someone who is obsessed?

One thing I've learned is that you can't change anyone else. I mean, I've been trying to change me for half my life and I've only gotten just so far. Changing someone else?  Ain't gonna happen.

The solution is not easy, but in theory, it's simple. Get your own life. I wouldn't suggest getting your own obsession, but finding your own passion, well that works. Leave the poor obsessed person alone. You don't have to leave, you have to adjust your expectations. Don't expect that person to be there for you. Don't expect to head the list of what's important. Joining the obsession is not something I would suggest. If you too have an "addictive" personality, you may find yourself up the same creek, and you will still not be number one.

Expect, that it's your life and you may have to live it like a three year old who sits next to his friend and does parallel play. You can be together. You can be in love. You can do things together, but you will never be as important as the obsession. Unless of course, you ARE the obsession. That may feel wonderful at first, but it gets old quickly. I'd tell you to ask some of the people who were the object of someone's eye, but most likely they are dead.

Wow. I've gone fun circle. Yesterday, my advice was to run. This time, you should run only if you are the obsession. If not, you can stay. or not. The other person may or may not notice.

One last thing. If you've become obsessed about the other person's being obsessed, GET YOUR OWN LIFE!  It's likely you are avoiding your own issues, so get some help, figure out why you'd settle for something like this and Live.

YOU HAVE THIS ONE CHANCE AT LIVING THIS LIFE. WHY WASTE IT OBSESSING ABOUT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT?  FIND YOUR BLISS. FIND YOUR JOY. IT IS WITHIN YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.