IS THINKING YOU'RE IN LOVE, THE SAME AS FEELING YOU'RE IN LOVE? IF NOT, DOES IT MATTER?

I am not even going to try to attempt to define or explain "love". For the purpose of this post, I will focus on the notion of "romantic love".



Renee Descartes has been quoted as saying, "I think, therefore, I am".

Well, I'm quite certain my dog Chloe, didn't think. Does that mean "she wasn't"?
 or since she couldn't think, she didn't  Exist?



 
I suppose, for humans, thinking is somehow linked to being. In one of my psych texts, there are 22 listings for cognition (the fancy word for thought or thinking). It's one of the things in psychology that has been heavily researched. Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean they know didly squat, but they are at least working at understanding it.

 In the text book, PSYCHOLOGY making connections, by Feist & Rosenberg,  defines cognition as:
  Mental processes involved in acquiring, processing and storing knowledge.

It defines feelings as: not listed. Instead, I went to emotions.   Wow. There were 43 sub-topics here. Does that mean they know more about emotion than cognition?  Beats me.

 Back to a definition: Brief, acute changes in conscious experience and physiology that occur, in a personally meaningful situation.

It also states the psychological use of the term affect refers to a variety of emotional phenomena, including, emotions, mood, and affective traits.





Moods are, transient fluctuations and tend to last longer than most emotions. Huh?

Affective traits are stable, predispositions toward certain types of emotional responses, such as anger. Would that make love an affective trait? Again. Don't know.


An aside. I used to know this stuff. Not by heart, but I knew it. Looking at it now give me pause. Why does everything have to be so damned complicated?


Although, if I think of love as an emotion, it's no surprise, given the definition of emotion, why there is so much drama surrounding it. It's acute and brief. It's related to moods.


My current definition of romantic love is an acute, unstable mood that affects you consciously and physiologically in a meaningful situation.

Is that okay with you? It makes as much sense as the rest of this stuff. I'm okay with it until they bring in the part about a meaningful situation. Where does that fit in? But, I shall go on.

THINKING YOU'RE IN LOVE:

According to our definition, this means you are  experiencing a mental process involved in acquiring, processing and storing knowledge.

Meaning?  Your thoughts are processing what you believe you know about the person you are, .... what?  Thinking about loving?  Or, maybe that brief, emotional change in your conscious experience about a particular person, has triggered a thought process about the person so you will be knowledgeable about him or her.

So, would you react differently to someone saying, "I think I love you" or to saying, "I love you".  That's about as close as I can get to showing there is a difference. The psychobabble was not helpful.

This was certainly not what I had in mind when I thought of this topic.

To me, thinking is a calculated process that involves decision making and is supposed to be devoid of emotion.  It it's not an emotional response, my question really was, more like,   could you think you loved someone, base on facts rather than emotions?

I'VE A FEELING, I'M FALLING IN LOVE:

At least on one thing, I'm clear. Thoughts don't involve emotions.  It seemed to say that, but I'm confused. And if I'm confused, and I'm the expert, oh boy!

I'm going to go out on a limb, and say that everyone who reads this has been in love. Or thought they were in love?  How did you figure out the difference?
I'm guessing it's in hindsight. While you are in love, you are feeling in love.
If it goes south, as it often can, when looking back, you may say you only "thought" you were in love. Or, you may have a very broken heart and be feeling bereft.

I can't go with the definitions here. True, it is a physiological experience. Your heart palpitates. You may feel flushed. If there's lust involved, which if it's romantic, for your sake, I hope there is, you will feel tingles in your sexual regions. Which, are actually all over your body. Another topic.

You can't stop "thinking" about the person. Or should that be feeling?  I can't say.


BIG PSYCOLOGICAL QUESTION!

WHAT COMES FIRST? THOUGHT OR EMOTION?

I remember when I was teaching psychology, only four years ago, there was, at least in the text book I was using, no definitive answer. I recall the three possibilities that at the time were hypothesized.

The last edition I have of that book was 2010.  I remembered one of the names and was able to find the page. It's in Introduction to Psychology: GATEWAYS TO MIND AND BEHAVIOR   by Coon & Mitterer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I believed they all happen at the same time. I think of a situation.  A tiger charging at you.

IMAGINE:   You're minding your own business and out of nowhere, a huge tiger is yards away, staring you in the face.

The response your body/mind has is:

1. Your arousal system says, oh crap. Fear. Tiger. Run.
2. Your Thalamus  kicks your nervous system arousal in gear, you run because you're feeling fear.
3. Your arousal system says, oh "there's a tiger. I should be afraid." Your behavior says, run.

4. You shit your pants and the Tiger leaves because your behavior disgusted him.

See. I told you before that humor is very important.


my hypothesis:

You cannot separate thoughts and feelings. Or cognitions and emotions. Or egg whites, but that just may be me.

CONCLUSION:

It doesn't matter if you think you love someone, or you feel you love someone or know you love someone. In either case, your life may be enhanced or possibly wrecked. Love will affect you regardless of how it is labeled or comes about.

Lastly, to quote Milton, who it was, I believe, said,

"  'tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all."

And I bet we all have the scars to prove it. Have a beloved day.

FREEDON TO CHOOSE A BLESSING OR A CURSE PART TWO

We last left off with me getting overdosed by a possibly perverted allergist and being rescued by my good old family physician. He put me on birth control pills when I was 17, but shush. Don't tell my parents.

The second time he  (the allergist) overdosed me, I stopped going for shots. They may have helped a bit, but not enough to keep my risking my life.

BACK TO THE STORY   WHATEVER THAT WAS

Hmm. I believe I was seeing if I could make a decision. I was also trying to understand how the decision wasn't only mine.



FLORIDA

I believe it was around when I turned 40, after I had visited a friend in Florida that I finally got my first dog. The story of my visit is also a sidebar*(or Another Digression) but I think you will enjoy it and of course, question my judgement in friends. Although she was friends with my mom and that's how I met her.


Anyway, Dot had moved to Florida with her daughter who was maybe 16. Yeah. She was driving so she had to be around that.

BEACH

I was thinking of relocating to FL because of the slim pickings in NY for single women. Dot had just bought a house in Boca Estates or one of those fancy places. I do not know exactly where or how she got her money but she always lived on the edge. She sold used cars, out of her home. Yeah. Probably a bit shady. But, I didn't have a lot of cash to spend and she told me to come down for two weeks. I could stay in her daughters room and use one of the cars she would have on hand. And I wouldn't have to swallow.  Her story. hmm  At the time she was missing NY. She wasn't by the time I got there.

When I arrived, her daughter was still there since her dad had cancelled their visit. Of course he would. I'm not sure if he was not good husband/dad material or Dot wasn't good wife material, now that I'm looking back.
And of course  I couldn't sleep on the white sofa in the living room (the only piece of furniture) because I might "soil" it, so I could sleep in the empty room with no bed, cot or mattress. I went out and bought a futon. I never really liked camping and I think the ground would have been softer. Me? Sleep on tile? No thanks. (by the way, she kept the futon and didn't pay me for it).

Dot had met someone romantically, after we had made our plans. I already had my tickets so I guess she figured she'd make the best of it. She wasn't so keen on having me there, but I served a purpose.

The first part of the trip I remember  running around to the motor vehicle bureaus to register or unregister cars. Of which she had none. And her daughter who had a car smashed it after I was there a couple of days.  Yeah,  when I got there I had to rent one.  I know. This is what happens to a person who is using someone else. That would have been me.  You know, hoping to freeload. And her too.  Only she had had lots of practice and I didn't.

Then, her new beau who of course was there, had to go back north and she followed. I got to drive her to the airport and of course she was late. I remember driving  in the left lane doing 90, and praying not to be stopped by a cop while she's telling me to hurry up or she'll miss her plane. We made it. I can't quite recall how it went down but it was something like she might have had me drive further south so she could pick the flight up as it was doing like a West Palm, Fort Lauderdale, Miami run. Apparently I could drive faster than a plane.    

I got back to her house and got to spend time, and money with her daughter for the week end. She left her kid ten bucks. I also had to feed the dog and cat.


Ah. Finally the part of the story you are wondering about.  I'm getting to it.  She had a cat, that thankfully stayed out most of the time, and a little Maltese dog named Muffin.  She was so cute. And she really took to me. I mean really really took to me.



futon no frame

I was sleeping on the futon on the floor and there was no locking door to the room. Just  two panels that closed shut, but didn't lock. I would go to bed and Muffin would come in and sleep on my head. It was really precious, except that Muffin snored. Very Loudly. I couldn't fall asleep. Dummy that I was, I would wait until she fell asleep and think I could sneak around to the other side and not wake her. It's obvious I knew squat about dogs.

Every time I turned, she woke, got up and moved back  to my head.

Next, I tried to keep her out of the room. I pushed my suitcase in front of the doors. She pushed her way in. Later, to let me know she wasn't happy with that idea,  she shit in my suitcase. The good news was that my allergies were okay. And she was a small dog. Not that I planned to get a dog, but wow. She was just so adorable.

if you see your name, it jumps out at you. try looking

The visit did not end well. Not that the beginning was exactly high on my list for a repeat visit, but when I was checking my flight, I was at the kitchen phone above the counter. Those were the only ones we had back then. I glanced down and saw a ledger that had names and cars and dates on it. I was on hold, and wasn't looking but when I saw my name, my maiden name with Civic, which wasn't the car I  had been driving I got shocked. I didn't look at the rest. And off I went. But I stupidly asked Dot what she was doing with my old name in her ledger when I returned home.

The best defense is a good offense and boy did she take offense.  She yelled at me for snooping in her things. I tried to find out what my name was doing there but didn't get a response. And we haven't spoken since.  No. I didn't have a Civic ...yet.
Now I remember why I got the dog. I needed a car and I leased a new Honda Accord with all the bells and whistles. I had it one night. It was gone when I went out the morning after I picked it up. Bloody Hell.




And this too will be continued.......