LOW EXPECTATIONS MEAN EVERYONE ENDS UP HAPPY Why oh why can't I learn?

I remember the first time I heard about low/no expectations. It was years back from a middle school girl relating her older brother's advice.
Needless to say I was appalled.  No expectations? How can you expect to get anywhere or be anything with no expectations?

Her response was real simple. You never get disappointed.

I hadn't given it too much thought about maybe ten years ago when the topic of expectations came up. It was interesting. If you have expectations and they aren't met, you get disappointed and may even resent the person who disappointed you. The consensus was for no expectations.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't go there. I was able to settle on what we ultimately called reasonable expectations.

Of course reasonable is subjective and not exactly a true measure. It at least gives a guideline to work with.

Why am I now thinking about this? Well, I think about expectations a lot. Being brought up as a child whose family had unrealistically high expectations, I was doomed to feeling like a failure, regardless of how well I might have done. I also put those high expectations on everyone else. And so, guess what? I was frequently disappointed and couldn't understand other people.

I also remember attending a district wide workshop for school psychologists. There was a questionnaire we had to fill out. One of the questions was "how do you think you are doing at your job?"  Of course I thought I was doing a very good job. I had feedback from supervisors and administrators so I'm not just blowing smoke. When the papers were passed around, I saw that someone else had written "adequate".  It blew me away.  How could a person feel alright just being adequate?

Looking back on all the years that I struggled to be "better than" I can laugh at myself. I'm not saying that doing your best is a bad thing. Only when you become so invested in it that you're never happy.

WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO WHY I'M WRITING

If you've been following my blog, you know that I had cataract surgery. The second eye was done a bit over a week ago.

Here is where my expectations have gotten me.

I know a lot of women who have had this surgery, even without the laser part. I kept wondering why so many older women weren't wearing glasses. Except occasionally for reading.  I started doing a poll and found out the answer was linked to cataracts. I already had them and was told they were getting "ripe".

I got so excited. I'd been wearing glasses with progressive lenses for 20 something years. It's not that I don't like glasses. I actually do. It's that I'm one of those people who are easily annoyed by things like clothing labels, bras, panty hose and the place behind your ears where the glasses sit.

I have a small head. (Thick skull?) and finding glasses to fit was never easy. And so I figured I'd be home free.

I saw my ophthalmologist and they were ripe for the picking. We went over the possibilities. I could have regular surgery, (no extra money)  but it's not as precise or something like that. I could have the laser, but it couldn't do what I wanted. Of course not. I wanted to not need reading glasses because I do so much close up work. Also, shopping it's a pain to have to take out glasses to read the price.

Because I have dry eyes, the type of lens that would have fixed it all was out of the question.

He said he would try to tweak it so I lost a little of my distance (which I didn't think I cared about) to give me a bit more for close up.

Somewhere in there I heard, I probably wouldn't need reading glasses. Which brings me to my point. My expectations were not realistic if I really listened to what the doctor had said.

Although my eyes won't settle for another three weeks, this is probably where they are.

I NEED READING GLASSES, SORT OF MOSTLY?

Sometimes I can read at the computer without anything. The #'s he told me to try were 2.5 and 2.75. So I bought two inexpensive pair. Not quite right. No good for computer. Okay for reading?

I went to the dollar store and got three different magnifying numbers. Some are the same and they suck. Others were okay. The problem is I have to remember to take them on and off. I put them on and look around and get nauseous.

I won't go on because this was supposed to just be an example.

EXPECTATIONS CAN BREAK YOUR HEART

I have finally come to the understanding that me and so many people I know, have unrealistic expectations. And each time one doesn't get met, another little bit of a heart breaks.

You think you husband/boyfriend/girlfriend will remember your birthday and buy you a special gift. They don't. You take it personally.


HYPOTHESIS
Human beings are self-centered. Therefore, we believe that what is important to us will also be important to everyone else. Well, at least those people who know us. So, we expect them to be able to read our minds and meet those expectations.

REALITY CHECK
What's important to me, may not be important to you. And, I have no right to believe that it should be. Just because I believe something does not make it so.
Also, if you do not know. People cannot read minds.

CONCLUSION
If you have an expectation from someone else, you better let them know. Communicating your desires and wants is the only possible way you might get them. Usually, even that doesn't work. At least you know that you will not be getting roses on Valentine's Day.  Assuming you were listening and didn't decide that the other person would do it anyway.

What we do comes under the heading of crazy. You know, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I have to learn to lower my overall expectations. It's jus the way it is. And that includes the ones I have for myself. I need to give me a break too.

So, stop expecting so much.  When something nice happens, you'll be surprised and in the end, so much happier.