A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON MY WAY TO THE ER LAST NIGHT

emergency rooms in port saint Lucie Florida

 

I was looking forward to an evening of reading. In peace. My husband was going surf casting at high tide ( maybe it was low) and it was happening at, get this, 7:30 PM.

That meant he's leaving at 5PM, not am,  and not return until 9PM.
Usually he goes in the morning so that he's home by the time I'm ready for my peace and quiet. This was a very special bonus with a bow on top.

The thing is, I love to read in [the living room ]and he talks to me even though he knows that with my ADHD, I need to concentrate without distractions. His being out at night was a gift.

I was cherishing my gift until a little after 7 pm when the house phone rang. Normally I let the machine pick up and left the caller hang up. That's what it is 98% of the time. But,  I had the feeling that I shouldn't ignore it like I always do and I got up and saw it was my husband. Then it stopped ringing. I assumed and ass dial.

"You're the one that I want" [from Grease} starts singing which is my hubbies' ring tone. I ran to the room where the phone was because I never have it near me,  and he's like, oh hi, how are you, I'm going to the ER.

What???  "Well, I cut myself on my leg and it's kind of bad so I think maybe I should go to the ER. You don't have to come but if you want you can meet me there."

My stomach is in my mouth. Apparently also up in my ears.  I asked him where he was. He said he was maybe 20 minutes away. I now know that time is not an actual location which is what I should have gotten.  I asked which ER.As you can see on the above picture, there are many in this area.  He said St. Lucie. This is where our memories differ. I assumed he was still near wherever he had been fishing, so he would go to the nearest ER. He was already on his way home and not where I thought he was. This is why communication is so important. And why we get an F.

He need clothes, since everything he had was soaked. I told him I'd get his clothes and I'd be on my way.
I packed up his stuff. And being so considerate I even remembered his Kindle in case there was a wait.

There hadn't been time to ask what he'd done to his leg. He just mentioned that he was worried because of the toxic algae and his cut had been in the water.
I thought maybe he hooked himself or maybe worse, used his knife and slashed his leg by mistake. I drove safely , which was hard, but it took about 25 minutes to get there.

I went in and asked for him. He wasn't there yet. The guard was very nice.

He gave me a visitor's pass.


Don't pay attention to pad I put it on. It's supposed to help me be organized but I forget to use it.

 

The guard couldn't find him on the computer. So, I called his phone from the outer desk only  it went to voice mail.

 

I had visions of him passing out from lack of blood and I had no idea where he had gone so I had no clue where he might be bleeding out in his SUV or crashed or dead. The guard sent me into the waiting room because maybe he'd check in and he missed it.  While the woman told me he wasn't there my phone rang. "you're the one that I want" too loud and at that moment, it was more like you're the one that I want to strangle.

 

He asked where I was and I asked where he was. Bloody Hell. He'd gone to the ER in St. Lucie West, five minutes from our home.  I was at the wrong ER. Or he was. Depends on your point of view.

 

I left and was really, really pissed off. You moms know how it is. When you find our your child isn't dead and just scared you, you want to kill them.

Ditto for husbands.

 

And so I drove back and went to the ER where he was.

 

 

 



this isn't the exact place but I didn't think to take a photo last night.

 

Of course the fist thing I did was yell at him. Anger is my friend. When all else fails, I can count on my anger to keep me grounded. It also keeps me focused so I don't have an accident while I'm driving.

 

So, we had a fight in front of the nurse and he did the usual crap about his wife always being right, while insisting he told me St. Lucie WEST. Fuck!

 

Okay. time to calm down. I'm with him. He's waiting for the Dr. to staple his calf and I'm about to pass out. Did I mention that I get queasy and faint when he's in the ER?

 

The nurse practitioner ( hereto be known as the NP)  comes in and looks at the wound, which by the way was gotten when he slipped on the rocks and got more scratches than from an angry bob cat.

 

There's only one bad one that's bleeding a lot. The nurse instructs him to hold the gauze on it to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. He does, but then he decides to take a look, so it starts bleeding again. This time they apply a pressure bandage and wait. And wait.

 

The NP comes back and decides he needs either two or three staples and that the numbing process will hurt more than just doing the staples so he forgoes that part. Two staples and he's hurting. We both wince. Okay.   He's done.

 

Now we divide up the division of labor. I'll go to the pharmacy and get his prescriptions and gauze rolls and Neosporin and he'll go home. He wanted to go to IHOP because he's hungry. I'm nauseous. We go our separate ways.

 

I'm checking out at Walgreen's and again, my phone rings. It's already 10 PM. The news flash.

He's going back to the ER because it's bleeding. I don't have to meet him, I can go home or whatever I chose to do. He's very kind that way.

 

I still have his kindle, so I think, okay. I'll deliver that and go home. I'm tired, nauseous and can't take any more drama.  Plus, I have the water to bring because of course there wouldn't be any in the hospital. Yeah. I think I had lost it a few hours ago. I also have his antibiotics and other meds so I'd best go back to the ER.

 

Receptionist: "Hi, he's in room six, go on in".  And back I go. At least this time he's dressed. I sat down and gave him his antibiotic which should be spelled Keflex but starts with a ce and I can't spell it.

 

The NP comes back and decides that maybe he could use some more staples and gives him three more. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. He asks if it's an artery. It's not, but it's a skin arterial something but they wrap him up real good this time and leave the pressure bandage on. Why am I still here?

 

He was reading Men's Health, so I didn't need to bring his kindle. Before he leaves they say he should walk around a bit to make sure it's okay. I guess they don't want him to come back.

So, I'm sitting with his magazine. He's very nice and as he leaves me in the room, he says they usually have some very hunky men in that magazine so I should enjoy myself. So, I take a look.

 

I sit and read. About will female sex robots take over for real women. This is in men's health?  The only pictures are of Mike I think that's his first name,  Cena. He's too dammed big for my likes. However, there was an Armani perfume ad on the back cover of Chris Pine's head and shoulders.  So, while no one was looking, I ripped it off and took it home. I apologize for being a thief.

I'm looking at him now. On my bulletin board next to my computer.

 

My husband got two stickers for being a good boy. All I got was the loss of my quiet night. 

 

thanks for listening.