"Twas the day after New Year's

‘Twas the day after New Year’s and all through our hovel,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a squarrel..

My clothing was flung in my room here and there,

In the hope that some person who cleans would appear.

 

We grownups were settled all snug in our beds

While visions of Moscow Mules danced in our heads.

When out on the porch, there arose such a ruckus.

I sprang out of bed to see what the fuck was.

When what in my aching head should appear,

But a scene from the evening that happened last year.

 

With a wipe of my eyes and a shake of my head,

I knew I was seeing what soon I would dread.

I saw people and bottles and glasses and such

Who were acting like people who drank way too much.

Singing and dancing and acting quite smashed,

'Twas then that I realized a cell phone had flashed.

One person was sober and thought twould be fun,

To record all the merriment for Year's end was done.

 I realized what happened and thought “oh hell no”

And  ran off to the computer,  'cause I just had to know.

Yes!  There on the screen ‘twere the pix that he took.

Our pictures were posted for ALL on Facebook.

 
 

I GUESS I MUST BE A CHARITY, BECAUSE THE CHARITIES KEEP SENDING ME THINGS.

     A few week ago I wrote a post about checking out the charities we give to.
I still haven't done it because I've been very busy [you can read that as a little lazy].

Some of the crap I threw out in the past three days.

    I mentioned in that article how I used to love to wait for the mail, hoping there would be a letter or something nice for me. It became a habit, so that when I had grown up and received mail of my own, I'd bring it in and open it right away.

    That persisted for many years since I was now an adult and there were bills, bank notices, [Shame on you. Not overdue notices if that's what you're thinking.I've never been late on a bill in my life], and magazines. Oh, and Macy's and Bloomingdale's would send catalogs that would have coupons. I like catalogs. They have merchandise which is left to my choice if I want to buy something. Opening the mail was just part of my daily routine.

   When I got older and started to make more money, I started to support some charities. It was a limited number as was my "extra" cash.

   *AD   When I was younger, the requests were addressed to supporter or friend.  The advent of computers changed that. And so I had a flashback  of when the envelopes and the letter inside had my actual name on it. Back then, that was unusual and it was a big deal. That was like a huge "wow".  It may sound retarded, but it really changed so much. Only we didn't know what was in store for us, not yet.

     Getting appeal letters just seemed like part of the natural order. The March of Dimes and a couple of others causes would always send their appeals to everyone. I can't remember but I think Easter Seals were a March of Dimes thing. I was little enough to like to play with them and pretend they were stamps.

    HISTORY OF ME AND SNAIL MAIL WHICH YOU WON'T FIND IN WIKI 

      I have no idea when it changed. Most likely, like all things, it was slow enough for me not to notice and over a period of time, it too became the norm.

     Still, I'd bring the mail in everyday and open it, organize it and be done. I had friends who would just throw it in a bowl on a table and I couldn't understand how they could do that. Like, what if you needed to pay a bill? What if they cancelled your insurance?  What if you got a check? Nope. I couldn't do it.  I was too compulsive and couldn't have looked at a stack of mail without anxiety.

      Now, most of us pay by  automatic transfers or some electronic method that doesn't require a snail bill. And going with the times, for the first time in my adult life I didn't send out snail Holiday Cards . Unless I received one which is what I'm sure many people did to me for many years.  I did send out ecards to people whose addresses I had.

     It's like there's a new me. Which of course comes with a side of annoyed. The mail I receive, is now either, political, catalog, bank crap, requests for me to open accounts, scare mail about Medicare and requests from charities.

     I just actually had three or four days of mail piled up on the kitchen counter because what I now do, is look through the stack when it comes in and take out whatever needs opening and toss the rest down. I'm not proud. As you can see in the first picture, I get stacks. My husband has me do all the correspondence  and charity payments. This way his name isn't on the lists. Even magazines. Man, he knew what he was doing. Sucker punch to the left.

          THE REAL ISSUE

   I believe in giving. Yes, it's also a nice tax deduction which is why it's on my mind this time of year.

   My problem is, (LOL. As if I have only one problem. That could keep me laughing for hours.)  that if they are so in need of money, why do they keep sending me stuff I don't need or want that has to cost them money?

   I don't want to mention which charities I give to. Not that it matters. If I gave once, they're still sending me this garbage. I assume that all charities send pretty much the same stuff, so I'm making a list but I won't be checking it twice.


     LIST OF GIFTS I GET FROM CHARITIES

cards

• calendars                
• date planners
• a nickel
• 11 cents
• a dollar bill
• checks for small amounts
• a stamp
• religious medals
• photos of children
• beads
• bookmarks
• skimpy blankets                   

  

  calendars

• baby's socks
• dream catchers
• calculators
• pens
• certificates of membership
• membership cards
• holiday cards
• cards for all occasions
• seals
• address labels.
• note pads, some personalized 

     I think I get over a dozen calendars and I can't even give them away because everyone else gets them too.
     I do use one of the date planners, but what do I do with the rest?
     I like to buy my own address labels. Although I don't need to anymore. I have enough labels to last several life times.  Some are just my first name, some say Doctor, some say ms.  My favorite labels are addressed as Mr.
      I love typos. I'm doing to do a post on them as soon as I can gather enough to make one.      

       HOW MUCH SNAIL MAIL DO I SEND ANYMORE?

             and how many checks do I even write?

     I understand that a charity needs to be run well if it is to bring in money. And since the economy went south, do did donations. Still, isn't the money supposed to help the people, or the research for the disease? Or have more access to weapons?  { I put that in because I don't know if there is an NRA charity, but I would assume that any cause needs cash} And wouldn't you assume that the more money that was spent on the goal of the charity, the better it would be for the actual recipients and researchers?

     So, who's getting money and who's losing it?

    By my count, of course, the people who are supposed to receive the money are at the head of the list on the loss column. Next are the businesses who are losing money because people are no longer buying Christmas cards or other cards, or address labels because they get them for free. I know. I get them from friends and have used them. What can I say? The dogs are soooo cute.   I suppose in general I could refer to it as the small companies in the printing industry, if such a thing still exists. And the letter carriers who have to bring them to our houses.  And let's not forget about our trees. Those poor trees are being destroyed so I can just look at a thick envelope and throw the whole kit and caboodle in the trash. Or more accurately, the paper recycle bin.



   Who's making out on the credit side?  The people the charities contract from, to buy these cheap items, the people who make them and the people who run the organizations. Even the advertising agencies that work for the ones who can afford to advertise.  I suppose the post office may benefit except that charities pay a reduced rate so they get a bargain, sending me junk.

         WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?

   Everything has become a competition for our money. How is it that the corporations don't realize that we have limited resources? They still set their expectations as if we don't?
                                              
  *AD   My step daughter manages a store that is part of a chain. She is given a goal every month that is always higher than the one from last year. It's like the businesses don't believe that we, the people, can't keep spending the way we did. Not in this economy. However, if she doesn't make her goal, she can get into trouble. People actually lose their jobs when they don't meet expectations that are not based in reality. [She works so hard and get's results. I'm very proud of her]

      BACK TO WHAT'S WRONG.

    It appears that everyone has lost sight of what this nation is supposed to be about.  When did it become fashionable to bribe or guilt people into giving their money away?  Actually, that was probably always true. It's one of those things I deny so I don't have to always be cynical.

    The appeal letters ask if you received their gift, and you're supposed to feel guilty if you don't send them money to cover their expenses.  Guilt is big in my culture. I have to admit that there was a time it worked. Not any more. I didn't ask for this crap so I don't have to pay for it.


    THE STRAW THAT BROKE MY BACK

    For some reason, I liked the Wounded Warriors and used to send them money. Usually I try to choose one charity for each category I think I warrants my  support. You know, like Veterans, Animals, Diseases, People, or the Arts. Whatever.  Several months ago I saw an article online about how Wounded Warrior was suing other charities that were using similar logos of soldiers' carrying the wounded. I didn't want to believe this, so  I researched it because it had me upset. These smaller charities were being set upon by lawyers, (oops forgot about them being on the plus side of the list,) and these little guys had to defend themselves, and if they lost, 

everyone wants to be king.

had to give money to the bigger charity.

    That turned my stomach inside out. A wounded soldier, regardless of which charity he receives it from, deserves to receive whatever money or services are offered. What difference does it make if it's charity A or B? Instead, they take the money away from the soldier because they want the credit.


   It's hard to think of a theory when you're really pissed.  For the Warrior charity it felt like someone's ego was threatened.  He/They want to be the one people recognize and give to.  However, although it may be true, the CEO has probably got his job on the on the line to meet projections. The Board of Directors or Trustees would be the ones in charge. At least that's what I suppose.

   Thank the Lord I never had to work for a corporation. Since that's the case, I don't know first hand how they work.

   Not knowing something never stopped me before, and it won't stop me now.

   Corporate greed. In charitable organizations. That should be an oxymoron. I'll just call it moronic.

  And sad. Very sad. I wonder if they realize that they may be turning people off with this new approach? I sure hope so because I got an appeal that said on the envelope, something like this "no gifts or crap inside."  I opened it. I don't remember which charity it was. I may have sent them money because I was happy they didn't send me something. Or not. I'm just a "hater" at the moment.

  This post has more of a moral than a theory.  Keep it simple. If you want money from me, don't try to razzle dazzle me. Don't spend money on anything but the bare bones to keep your work going. Spend the money on the poor, the wounded the sick.Tell me the truth.  I most likely will open the envelope and send you more money. Isn't that what you want?

WOULD YOU WEAR ANY OF THESE? from the I'm feeling silly and ridiculous collection.

   I may have a wild and crazy side, but in some ways, I am actually conservative.  That's why I'd like to know if you would wear these. And what you think of the outbreak in tee shirts that are really insulting.







Let's let everyone know we're better than they are,

              the topic

    When shopping, I see tee shirts that I like. No, I don't like them, but they make me laugh or think of someone I think might like the one I'm laughing at. The problem is, well they are often not nice. Again, no, I mean what they say on them isn't nice.

    I only bought one, once, wait, no, come to think of it, I bought two. (I'm underestimating  {lying}  since I had some actually made to order  [Jewish humor but those don't count,]  and I still feel silly wearing them so I hardly do). 
I only had the nerve to wear one of them twice. It was the one that reads : "Let's not waste time and assume I'm right". Honestly, I was embarrassed, even though I used to think it was true.  I did love wearing the "I'm no rocket surgeon" tee. Just to see if anyone noticed. Most didn't.


   I get lots of catalogs in my snail mail.  For some reason they seem to have this type of tee in them. I wanted to share the ones that were funny, or mean or insulting. The problem was how?  Whatever it would be would entail a lot of work. Either tedious, or something I didn't know how to do. 

I gave it a lot of thought. Then did some trial and error runs. Nothing I wanted to do worked.

Therefore, I decided to use a picture I already had on the computer. One  that I could write over.  I couldn't find a tee shirt or any shirt pic that would work and I didn't have the time to go through all of them.  Especially since I have thousands of photos. Pretend you're surprised.

That is why you will be seeing all of these  pix of Queen Mary the First, sporting an assortment of sayings. By the by, this is a copy of a painting I did to try to learn acrylic technique. Yes, I sometimes paint but that is, as they say, another story.

    HERE IS THE FIRST OF MANY, BUT THERE'S MORE TEXT. JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU A BREAK FROM READING.




And Hereeeeeeeees, Mary!

 

It may look like a lot, but since you only have to read a word here and there, it shouldn't be too much work, or time. I tried to group them into categories but couldn't. The only easy one to recognize was those comprised of insults.  Others were more all over the place.
 
 
 
 
  Perfectionist that I am thought I'd have to redo this when I'm not in a fog or can figure it out. Upon reflection I realized that this was not going to happen in this lifetime, so I may have to reincarnate for that to happen. I decided to post them "as is".

I'm sure I won't be back as Dr. G. No matter how much in demand I was.

I hope you enjoy them. I also will put in some pix of actual tees at the end.



What's wrong with this picture?







Everything in statistics is based on probability.  So you can't say for sure and when I was 14 my mother had me tested.

stupid is as stupid does. I believe that's a quote from Forrest Gump's Mom.

And where would you wear this?
or ware would you where this?
or wear would you where this? And Y would you wear this?

Ah, A women with a degree, In shopping.  Third degree BURN.

Another poke at women. Ahem. Men like to poke women.

Recognize the top one? I knew I'd seen and hear that, just didn't know where.

These to me are funny because they use words and word play and don't hurt anyone.

This got me to thinking about humor. What's funny, to whom and why?

Theory of Humor. Before I look it up. And, I'm not going to. That's your homework assignment. Let me know what you find. Probably not that much. At least in psychology. It wasn't a topic of study for a long time. Maybe it is now.

I have mentioned before that when I start to write my blog,I have no idea where I'm going. This is yet another example of what happens. My mind starts to wander as I edit and write, and I just follow it where it goes. *AD

At first blush, the two kinds of humor that jump out at me are self-deprecating, or making fun of others. It's the old two sided coin. Suicide and homicide are both acts of hostility, it just depends on who it ultimately points at.

Most people have a sense of humor. That appears to be a universal trait that people all over the planet share. What is different is what makes them laugh.  Since I only know what I'll call European/American humor I won't stray from that. Actually, I'd best keep it to humor in English because I'm not sure I'd understand Russian humor even if I understood Russian. Even British humor is different.  From what I gather, sometimes the punchline is in the middle. Between that and their accents, we miss it.

Back to topic. It seems that watching other people in distress, misery or misfortune makes us laugh. It seems very wrong, but I think it's because we are secretly happy that it isn't us.

Another way to do that, is to turn it against oneself. That way, you're not offending someone else. Unless of course, you are wearing a tee shirt telling them they are stupid.

It's really not so bad, because most people will assume that it's someone else you're referring to because who among us can admit we are stupid? And how do you know if you're stupid? Are you too stupid to know you are? Ah. Very philosophical.

However, this is a word that gets tossed around by children all too frequently. Not philosophically you idiot. Stupid. Hmmm.   It's the best defense to say someone else is dumb so you don't have to believe it's you. Although if you're calling other people that, you probably have been called it yourself. By friends and family, fellow students and the occasional teacher. And when you're little, you believe them.

A Digression. I was 18 and had just started college. I had always had trouble with math since we hit fractions. I managed to pass but my brain does not work on the side that does math.

Thankfully, I only had to take one math course at that time. It was called Logic. I still don't understand why. I've always thought of myself as a logical person, but apparently, I'm wrong. 
I can still see my teacher. I'll call him Mr. Grey. Because he was very pale of face, and wore only white starched shirts, dark grey suits and dark ties with black glasses covering pale eyes.  His first name was definitely not Christian.

Anyhow, I was really struggling. I sat right in the front row in the middle so I could focus on what he was teaching. I was trying hard.
It may have been the mid term or just a test, but I got a 56 or something in that range.
After the test, I raised my hand to ask a question. I said that "I didn't understand what he just said, could he please explain it again." His response began with "judging by what you got on the last test you don't understand anything".   

I was mortified. If I had been sitting near the door I would have run out. I think if I were by the window, I would have exited that way. Being right up front left me no one to go.
I just sat there and felt humiliated and probably had turned red even though I'm not a blusher. If I had been five years older I would have probably given him a piece of my mind.
 I have always remember that moment and how I felt. I taught briefly when I got out of school, and then for 6 years at the college level. I never, ever did anything like that to any student. I hope I was as careful with my friends.


BACK FROM A DIGRESSION


I am going to therefore conclude that in this country we have an epidemic of people who believe they are stupid and are projecting it onto everyone else. 
Projection is a psychological term. I will explain. Whether it's logical or not, I obviously won't know.
 Think of when you go to the movies. The film you're watching on screen is being projected from the machine  (projector) with the images. The machine has the images but transfers them onto the screen letting you identify what you see as yours.

People do the same thing. Let's say, you're feeling a little fat. You do not like the feeling. so instead of thinking, "am I getting fat? " you'll start to notice that your friend is getting fat or so and so gained weight and suddenly the world is filled with fat people, except you. There is probably a much easier way to explain this, but if you're looking for easy, you've come to the wrong blog.

BACK TO HUMOR

There are many different types of humor. Slap stick, dark, (I'm being PC so I didn't say black because it's not about race, it's about feelings), sick, sarcastic, off color, down right filthy, hateful, racial, male bashing, dumb blondes and I can't think of any more at the moment. You can fill in the blanks. And if your comment section works, you can actually tell me what I missed.

Sometimes I start out to write a light piece that is funny. Why is it, that I always find something that makes me start to take a serious look at, well, everything?

My shrink and husband are always telling me to lighten up. So I powdered my face with a very light shade of pale. I don't think that counts. If I'd lost ten pounds, would that have counted? Maybe I'm literal and not logical. oy. too much to ponder.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the jokes. And, maybe learned something too.

If it were up to me, I'm make sure that teachers all taught with a sense of lightness and humor that made their students enjoy learning. Maybe then we wouldn't all feel so damned     STUPID!